On Mornings

I’ve been battling with my personal demons for the past few days, so I feel that it is important to focus on the positive things in my life. Sometimes a single negative emotion swells up and seems to block out everything else, and I forget all of the ways that my life has improved.

For as long as I can remember, mornings were always a battle for me. I hated waking up. The feeling reached its peak when I was in college, and some mornings I would nearly come to tears when I could no longer put off the inevitable. Shortly after dropping out of school, I addressed this area and began looking for things that would make me excited for every new day, but nothing came of it. Life swept me away, and I forgot about my quest entirely.

Now, every morning I’m woken up by little feet kicking me. When I open my eyes, the first thing that I see is my Baby Girl’s adorable smile, and I give her a kiss and tell her that I love her. Then, I roll over to spend a moment snuggling with my husband, and tell him that I love him. After he gets up, I turn back to my baby and we have girl time. We talk. My baby is not yet old enough to speak, but we still communicate. I tell her about my dreams from the night, and my plans for the day, and she gives me smiles and squeals. When we’re ready, we get up for breakfast.

There is no internal struggle to get up anymore. No feelings of dread. My life is now something that I am excited to wake up for and experience. It feels so natural that it’s easy to forget that I used to perceive mornings differently.

I had to give everything I was in order to get this life, and although I am sometimes overwhelmed with the pain of that cost, it was ultimately worth it. Pain fades with time, but the things that now make me happy are eternal.

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