On Obedience

On a whim I decided to see what sorts of blogs out there used the “anti-feminism” tag, and found a treasure trove of insanity. There’s one particular blog, called, Why I Am Not A Feminist that caught my eye, and I found it to be rather amusing to read through the posts. Essentially, this blog is written by women who have bought completely into the feminist agenda, and yet profess to dislike feminism.

For example, this post entitled, “I Love My Sexist Husband.” The very first paragraph reads:

“Before I say anything else, it is important to note that while my husband is sexist, he is not a tyrant; I don’t obey him, and he would never ask me to.”

I like to imagine the author of this post, standing in the middle of a burning building while her husband yells, “GET OUT,” defiantly retorting, “You don’t own me, I’ll do what I want!” Never means never, right?

I do obey my husband. One of the reasons why I married him was because I trusted his judgment — I know that he would never ask me to do anything that would have negative consequences for me. I know that at any moment, I can turn to him and ask for support, or even for the order to be changed or rescinded, because my input matters. Being obedient does not mean that I am forced to do things that I find morally repugnant. It doesn’t make me less of a human being — I still have opinions and hobbies of my own. I choose to show my love and support for my Lover by fulfilling his requests.

My Lover is also not a tyrant. He does not use my obedience as a free pass to further his own self-interest. More often then not, his directives serve to help me more than himself (“Put down the sewing and go eat before your blood sugar crashes,” e.g.). There have been occasions when the shit hit the fan, and his orders ensured my safety while liberating him to go deal with the crisis at hand. My well-being is his happiness, and as a result he has often put me ahead of himself.

The idea that obedience is somehow degrading is a narcissistic construct. Obedience is putting what one believes ahead of one’s own priorities or preferences — it’s not about power, it’s about responsibility, and it utterly conflicts with the contemporary narrative of, “Me, me, me! I’m the protagonist of my story, and ain’t nobody tells me what to do!”

Choosing to love and obey is not bad, and it does not make either party bad for participating in it. Rather, the act of obedience is a sign that you are capable of thinking outside of yourself. Focusing on the health of the relationship, instead of the petty whims of the individuals, is essential for a successful marriage.

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