Hiding Identities

Giant sunglasses.

A favourite of mine was a woman in Pittsburgh who had an unusually high forehead, that combined with her giant round sunglasses made her look like a stereotypical alien. I couldn’t suppress my giggles. A close second was a girl with hunched over posture, whose sunglasses had slipped down a little on her nose, making her seem like she was melting a bit — she looked like a ghoul. Though that really could have been a conscious choice on her part, since it is October and all.

Women seem to wear them for one reason: to hide their identity — though there appear to be two reasons why they want to do this.

The first reason is the illusion of safety: it is rare these days to see a girl out alone in public without them. I suspect that these women tell themselves that they won’t get raped if they hide their faces, although in reality it sends the message, “I won’t scream or defend myself.” It should come as no surprise that these women have frightened and timid body language. Of course, the chances of being raped while on a crowded street in the middle of the day are pretty minimal (especially when you look like an alien), but narcissism is a huge factor here.

The second reason follows a simple equation: the bigger the sunglasses, the sluttier the clothes. These girls are found in groups. They have no taste in clothes, since their main goal is to wear as little as possible. However, since they are ashamed of themselves parading around town in practically nothing, they must hide their identities (what would daddy think if he saw you?!). Personally, I believe that the logical conclusion to their behaviour is to wear a gimp mask and go completely naked. (It’ll happen. Just you wait. -ed.)

Ultimately, this behaviour is probably more dehumanizing than anything else. I, for one, am much more inclined to make rude remarks about bad fashion tastes when I can’t see much of somebody’s face.

Of course, if you happen to be an alien or a ghoul, and are using the sunglasses to wander around the sunlit streets of Earth without fear of what would happen should anyone learn your true species, then I applaud you. As for the rest of the women out there, two words: rape bait.