On Body Image

I’m skinny. Too skinny these days, since I’m currently too poor to afford much food, and it takes a near ridiculous amount for me to gain a pound (and yet I shed them like cats shed fur). I bet that you think that I’m lucky, right?

Wrong.

Our society hates everyone. It’s important that you know that.

While it’s considered bad form to call fat people fat, no matter how repulsive and under dressed they may be, there are no such rules regarding a skinny person’s weight. In fact, MY weight has frequently been a topic for conversation, and the people aren’t saying anything nice about it either. Of course, if I retorted, “At least I’m not fat like you,” I would be the bitch.

Calling me anorexic is everyone’s favourite, especially when a meal is involved. It doesn’t matter what I eat, or how much, I’m going to be called anorexic, especially if I leave anything on my plate. I used to take my lunch breaks out alone in my car because I was sick of my co-workers accusing me of being anorexic.

But it’s okay, right? It’s not like I’m fat or anything, so I must have a perfect self image. All of the rude comments and jokes must bounce off harmlessly, because of how skinny I am with my practically guaranteed high self esteem.

By the time I made it out of high school, I had an extremely fucked up body image. I was too skinny, too unattractive, for anyone to like me. I hated my body, and avoided it as much as possible. I made endless goals to gain weight, and all of them failed. Despite myself, I was extremely afraid of adding pounds – all of that jiggle was so unappealing, to put it lightly – and every time I started to gain weight my appetite would die, thus keeping me where I was. I grew worried that I subconsciously was anorexic. The fact that I was already at my perfect weight for my body type didn’t occur to me until I hit 21.

I was a fucking C cup. It should have been obvious that I was not underweight.

Why was everyone attacking my weight then?

Because they were jealous, and projecting their own self-loathing onto me.

This society hates everyone. No matter how skinny and perfect your body is, your weight is going to be criticised. That’s how it is.

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