Restroom Habits of Women

This isn’t about sewing, but . . .

I’ve been in a lot of public restrooms, as a side effect of having spent a good portion of this year homeless. Almost regrettably, I have observed the bathroom habits of women.

Of course, what actually goes on inside the stall is still a mystery to me. When I first described the shifting, grunting, gasps to my Lover, I asked if they were masturbating. To speak quite honestly, that’s the only thing that *I* would be doing if I were squirming and breathing like that. He replied that they were more likely trying to squeeze their fat butts back into their too-small jeans, muffin top style. Makes sense.

To inject my opinion, people should fucking own up to their weight and stop wearing shit that is obviously too small for them. Think of the poor children who just couldn’t hold it any longer and peed themselves because they had to wait for you and your vanity. You disgust me.

Anyway, I’m still convinced that a certain number of women actually are masturbating. The other possibilities are too frightening to think of.

There are also a large number of women who sit in the stall not doing anything, and they frighten me more than any other group. Are you really so broken that you would rather sit in anonymity, waiting for the bathroom to empty, so that no one will be around to hear you pee? Or see you come out? Or know that you have bodily functions just like every other human being on the planet? Even though those people are freely tinkling like it’s the most normal thing ever? Seriously, what the hell?

There’s also the matter of which stalls are used. Women love the handicap stall. They like the spacious room, so that they can . . . masturbate more freely? Jump around as they squeeze into their jeans? Pretend that their bathroom at home was that big? I really don’t understand the selection process, as I always start at the beginning and take the first one that isn’t occupied or covered in shit. Or overrun with toilet paper.

Toilet paper is another matter that has had me baffled. Very briefly, I once had a room-mate who would go through an entire roll of nice toilet paper in four days. How are women using up so much TP? Are they constructing pads for their periods? Are their labia really holding so much pee that it takes half a roll to wipe it up?

Yes, I said it.

It’s just, why? What reason, other than chronic diarrhoea, could justify using that much TP?

It’s the little things that make me mourn for the human race.

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