Walk of Shame

Versa Skirt Dress tutorial
http://deliacreates.blogspot.com/2011/07/versa-skirt-dress-tutorial.html

I am aware that this tutorial was made by the lovely narcissist I criticized in my last Walk of Shame, but this piece was too awful to pass up.

This project was doomed to fail from the very beginning. The “inspiration” for the Versa Skirt is an all around bad idea. Pretty much, making something that fits around your boobs means that it’s not going to fit around your waist . . . unless you have hideous proportions. But lets pretend that you’re that model in the picture, and that if it fits your chest, then it has to sit on your hips.

The problem is the wide band. It’s passably decent as a tube top dress, but as a skirt it accentuates curves that shouldn’t be accentuated. The model looks like she has frog legs. It also looks like she forgot to pull her tube top dress all the way up, and that’s why it’s dragging on the floor. So hawt.

Lets be completely honest, the author didn’t even get close to duplicating this dress/skirt pattern. What she did was take a bad idea and make it even worse. Where the original looks like a dress pulled down to be a skirt, hers looks like a skirt pulled up to be a dress. This is most obvious when you scroll, scroll, SCROLL down to the back view of the green thing, and see the “booty curve” as she put it. It’s existence is proof that the author didn’t get it.

Knit fabrics exist to stretch. The reason why the original design is possible is because it took advantage of that fact. It doesn’t need a “booty curve” because the fabric stretches over it. This is why t-shirts don’t have princess seams. Putting one in destroys the versatility of the design, because NO ONE wants a fucking ugly bulge of fabric at their back.

But this tutorial is about narcissism, so let’s attack that as well.

The author is attempting designs that she doesn’t have the guts to actually wear. Despite the fact that it’s supposed to be a tube top dress, she wears t-shirts with it. It reminds me of those Mormon girls that I grew up with, who desperately wanted to dress like sluts but couldn’t because of religious constraints. Their solution was to dress like sluts with t-shirts underneath. So, like those Mormon girls, our beloved author wants to be something – the sort of person who can look good in a strapless design – but for what ever reason can’t (let’s pretend that she has giant warts on her shoulders). Instead of accepting what she is, or saying “Screw you! My warts are beautiful!” and becoming what she wants to be, she tries to compromise between the two. The result emphasizes her low self-esteem and makes the dress look more like a shapeless blanket.

Other points of interest include:

  • The badly crooked waistband. This is particularly amusing because it was done with a striped fabric.
  • The unhemmed bottom. You can see the loose threads hanging down on the green piece.
  • The pornographic number of photos.
  • The look of suppressed self-loathing in the author’s eyes.
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