Walk of Shame

Today I give you:

Adorable DIY Ear Warmers

To roughly quote my partner when he first saw this: “It looks like she has some sort of gray fungus growing on her head.” This tutorial fits into the category of, “Oh my God, that is fucking ugly.”

So, the first thing that you have to do is scroll down past the five million pictures that the author posted of herself. The pictures don’t add anything to the page, and are largely just a celebration of narcissism. We get it.

And thus we scroll. And scroll. And scroll . . . Oh wait, look, there’s the tutorial. It’s quite vague, and of course has a lot of steps that tell you absolutely nothing. The instructions literally read: “Cut in these dimensions . . . taper the ends . . . add pleats if you want . . . hem it.” Oh wow! I totally could have figured this out on my own!

Followed of course, by another barrage of pictures of, you guessed it, the beloved author. Ain’t she just adorable? I hope that one day I could take as many pictures of myself as she does, and keep in a folder labelled “porn,” because you know that I masturbate to it. What other reasons are there for gratuitous self-admiration?

I’m impressed by the sheer amount of “I don’t give a shit” in this tutorial. The flower shapes that were cut out don’t look very flower shaped. They look like something that a kindergärtner would make as an attempted flower shape, not like something that an adult who cares about her work would do. In fact, they look a lot like gray mould, spilling out of her head because the empty cavern of her skull was overfilled with the putrid growth.

Oh God, I’m quite mean, aren’t I?

This tutorial leaves me wanting to make one of my own, teaching how fucking easy it is to make better ear warmers that are higher quality (and warmer to boot). But I honestly couldn’t post that many photos of myself at once and still sleep soundly at night.