Upcycle

I hate the term ‘upcycle.’ I first came across it recently, when Stumble Upon (which I also hate) popped with an article on “how to upcycle an old umbrella into an awesome skirt!” And I thought to myself, ‘Who would want a skirt made out of umbrella material?’ I can’t imagine it being pleasant to wear.

That same website also had an article on “How to make that boyfriend shirt into a girlfriend skirt!” which more or less began and ended with “tie the sleeves around your waist.” Oh my God, that is so fucking hard I’m not sure if I can do it.

I’ve found that the sorts of people who use ‘upcycle’ are hipsters. I’ve found that hipsters are lazy and untalented, but completely unaware of that fact, so they make stupid tutorials on how to do stupid things so that you can be stupid too. “How to upcycle an old garbage bag into a chic dress!” Include pictures. Instructions are to cut holes for head and arms. Add a belt around your waist. OMG so hawt! Never mind that IT’S A FUCKING GARBAGE BAG. (Au contraire! It’s still holding garbage! -ed.)

Perhaps they would also enjoy a tutorial on how to turn a paper grocery bag into a Native American style vest. I made one when I was three, so it should be right at their skill level.

The only thing worse would be if people started dressing like they came out of a Final Fantasy game.

Advertisements